Uncle vernon, uncle vernon, independent as a hog on ice He's a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse Plays accordion for mr. weiss
Uncle biltmore and uncle william Made a million during world war two But they're tightwads and they're cheapskates And they'll never give a dime to you
Auntie mame has gone insane She lives in the doorway of an old hotel And the radio is playing opera All she ever says is go to hell
Uncle violet flew as a pilot And there ain't no pretty girls in france Now he runs a tiny little bookie joint They say he never keeps it in his pants
Uncle bill will never leave a will And the tumor is as big as an egg He has a mistress, she's puerto rican And I heard she has a wooden leg
Uncle phil can't live without his pills He has emphysema and he's almost blind And we must find out where the money is Get it now before he loses his mind
Uncle vernon, uncle vernon, independent as a hog on ice He's a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse He plays accordion for mr. weiss
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